Do you often feel deeply hurt when your partner ignores your effort? So much so that it drives you to the point of (what feels like) insanity?
Or, maybe you’ve found that you’re unable to enjoy a day out with the girls like you used to. Instead of laughing together and catching up, you constantly check your phone for missed calls or texts – anxiously on the edge of your seat.
Anymore, I have both good and bad news for you. The bad news is that you may be suffering from codependency with a narcissistic partner.
Narcissist And Codependent Compatibility In Relationships
In any relationship, there’s a level of compromise. When two people with different backgrounds, perspectives, childhoods, trauma, values, and ideas come together, opinions are bound to differ.
In a healthy relationship, both partners can communicate and come to a resolution that serves each person. In a codependent relationship, one person often does much more of the giving than receiving.
A codependent partner is often so afraid of being left or abandoned they begin sacrificing parts of themself to satisfy their partner. They give up wants, goals, or needs to keep the peace.
Codependency: How To Recognize The Signs
If you feel your needs and desires aren’t important, or you truly believe you couldn’t possibly live without the other person, you may be codependent.
The word narcissist is thrown around often these days. While only a small portion of the population truly suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a larger percentage still carries many traits that mirror NPD.
Just as you can be depressed without being formally diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, you can still be a narcissist without the formal title.
Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency And Complex Ptsd
Individuals with narcissistic traits believe they’re far superior to everyone else. Even if they don’t openly vocalize it, their actions paint a different picture.
Narcissists view themselves as completely unique and important and demand to be treated as such. They often have few friends as they lack empathy for deep friendships.
When we have a codependent on one hand that wants to constantly please others to the point of abandoning themselves and a narcissist on the other that thrives on being treated like royalty every day, we get an incredibly problematic situation.
Narcissists' Persuasive Tactics. A Breakup With A Narcissist Might Not…
Think about it like this: you have an individual that believes the sun, moon, and all other planets revolve around them, and another individual who is so terrified of being left behind they’re willing to dote and care for someone – no matter how badly they’re treated.
Not only this, but a codependent often lacks self-confidence. The charming charisma of a narcissist (at the beginning) can be a major draw for someone that struggles with their own self-esteem.
However, what many fail to realize about narcissistic personality disorder is that many narcissists struggle with low self-esteem too. Yet they overcompensate to make up for this internal struggle and eventually believe it.
Signs You're Dating A Narcissist
Narcissists crave being needed because they feel they should be, given how rare and remarkable they are. On the other hand, a codependent craves being needed by others because they feel it’s the only way they are “enough.”
An aspect of narcissism that differs from other personality disorders is that the most toxic of their behaviors are inflicted upon other people. Narcissism shows its colors loud and proud when there is a subject to direct them upon.
They’re well aware that they can treat a codependent individual however they want without retribution. Narcissists often go after what they need and want without feeling guilty about the means it takes to get there.
Narcissists Force Co Dependent Relationships
If they were raised in a home where their parents were overprotective, they might never have learned to survive in the real world on their own.
They were likely coddled and given everything they needed whenever they faced an obstacle. Because of this, they likely never learned how to self-regulate their emotions – needed the help of others as adults.
In addition, they may never have learned how to separate themselves from others and therefore have an incredibly difficult time being alone and independent.
The Experience Of The Codependent
On the flip side, if an individual was raised in an under protective home, they may have a deep-rooted fear that their needs won’t be met.
Therefore, they do whatever it takes to keep their partner around, fearing they’ll abandon them and leave them to fend for themselves.
This type of codependence is rooted in the fear of being left behind and can often be traced back to early childhood.
A Narcissistic Relationship Leaves Victims Confused And Wounded. Get Help
Not only are you choosing to separate from someone you love, but you’re also now facing many obstacles that were tying you to the relationship in the first place.
Not only this but leaving a narcissistic relationship can be even more difficult than leaving a healthy one because you’re dealing with someone willing to use any manipulation tactics possible to keep you from leaving.
It’s important to research what things may feel like during/after the breakup. This way, you’re not blindsided by the intense emotions that may follow afterward.
Are You A Codependent Who Attracts Narcissists? Test Your Codependency Online With Free Mental Health Psychology Questionnaire Based Test Using Scientifically Validated Friel's Codependency Assessment Inventory
Narcissists are incredibly manipulative and will often try multiple different tactics to get you to come back. Reading up on what techniques they may try to throw your way can help you set up a plan of action when they arise.
Since many victims of narcissistic abuse are left in a shattered emotional state, support groups have popped up worldwide to provide a safe space of understanding.
Being codependent is difficult, but when dating someone with narcissistic tendencies, they’ll often remind you how much you ‘need them’ and ‘wouldn’t be able to survive without them’.
Quick Review: The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap
If you’ve spent months or years with a narcissist, constantly letting them cross lines you’ve placed in the sand, they’ll likely throw an adult-sized temper tantrum when you suddenly put up a wall.
This may hurt worse than the actual breakup itself, but like ripping off a bandaid, it’s going to hurt like hell at first but be beneficial for your healing in the long run.
If you need to block them, do so. Don’t check up on them. Don’t stalk their social media. Even on the nights you miss them, find something to distract you.
The Link Between Codependency And Narcissism
If you need to text them one last time, try the 48-hour rule: wait 48 hours, and if you still need to send that message, you can (spoiler alert: you most likely won’t). The longer you prolong the breakup, the longer it will take for the narcissist to let you go.
While being in a codependent / narcissist relationship may feel like running a marathon in quicksand, overcoming the trauma and pain it can cause is entirely possible.
Nobody deserves to sacrifice their entire being for another person. No matter how you feel on the inside, this is your life to live: nobody else’s.
How To Distinguish A Narcissist From A Codependent
You have the power to create a happy life for yourself. It’s not going to be easy, and in some cases, it may require professional help, but there are many skilled therapists ready to help you overcome your breakup and the baggage it may have brought.
Find a support group of those who have dated and broken free from a narcissist, they will help you far more than your friends or family.
End the relationship and allow yourself the peace of walking away. The narcissist will likely try and gaslight you, manipulate you, or tear you down into coming back but just remember: you are the writer of your own story, not them. Everyone – yes, even you – deserve healthy love.
How Is This Not The Same As Narcissism Im So Confused
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Hi! I'm Alicia, the creator of . I've spent the last seven years researching and understanding alcoholism, addiction, and how people get sober. Additionally, I examine the way mental and physical health as well as our relationships with others impact the reasons people drink and their role in maintaining sobriety long-term. I took my last drink on December 19, 2016.
We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.OkPrivacy policyIn this blog post I share with you all you need to know about what happens when a codependent leaves a narcissist, why it’s so hard for codependents to leave narcissists, and what to expect.
Is It Oz?
Just like you, I also struggled with codependency. I felt this insatiable urge to save and to please others, as if it was ingrained in me. With a narcissist on the other end, it was a recipe for an emotional maelstrom.
But at some point, the tables turned and I realized that I deserved a better partner, a better relationship, and a better life. So I said to myself “Enough!”
However, when a codependent leaves a narcissist, it’s not just like a normal break-up. Things are messier, and more challenging due to the dynamics between codependents and narcissists.
Narcissists And Codependents: Part 2
If you’re struggling to heal from narcissistic abuse, I warmly welcome you to my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. It’s an easy self-paced online course which you can do at your own pace. My signature program combines scientific and spiritual tools for holistic healing of the body, mind,